his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
