Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
