you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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