He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
