nut hugger
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
And then my night got REAL pukey
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
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