i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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