Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
