you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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