So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
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I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
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There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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