My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
