you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
