Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I know her cup size but not her name....
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
