I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
