No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
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She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
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I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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