We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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