I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
