Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
