I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
