I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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