I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
