so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
