i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
True strength comes from lack of pants
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
