my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
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No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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