there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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