On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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