I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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