I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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