so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
