drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
