just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
