So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
