How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't apologize to a one balled man
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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