when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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