i just google imaged poop.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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