I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
