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My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
