i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
