i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
