New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
