oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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