Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
