If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
