well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
