your thong is hanging out like whoa
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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