i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you told grandpa to call you daddy
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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