you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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