very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
