I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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