i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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