the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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