There is no way he is gay with that hair.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
