Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize