happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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