Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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