He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
