that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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