i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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