sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
