you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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